It’s been a while since I posted, a few things have changed in my life, some good, some bad.
In July I began my driving lessons. A pretty big step for me. I really want to drive, I just wish I could skip the ‘learning’ bit. It’s been ok. I always get nervous before my lesson. I’m not great at driving, I’m currently struggling coming down gears before junctions or turning. I leave it too late I think. I also got a car, it’s a nice car, but horrible to drive. The clutch is… sticky, if you know what I mean. I ALWAYS stall, it drives me crazy… excuse the pun. Speaking of bad driving, I also casually drove my car into a rich mans hedge, you know, a normal Saturday afternoon. But seriously, one of the scariest moments of my life. It was a T junction up hill, cars everywhere so a was already panicking. My mum was in the car with me and she had s habit of grabbing the wheel when she thinks I’m going to kill us both. Turns out she almost killed us both, too. No, it wasn’t all her fault, it was everyone’s fault, the other drivers where very close and I was clearly a learner. The man who owned the hedge was very nice. He didn’t mind, he cared more about me, as I was clearing having a panic attack and couldn’t speak.
After that… incident, I had multiple nightmares about me car, in one I lifted the handbrake and it came off while I was on a very very bendy road, in another my dad was in the car, which is way worse that my mum being in the car.
I’ve had a few panic attacks since starting college again, I don’t know why, besides the car. I thought I was getting better but a few weeks ago my Media Studies teacher told me I had to redo my exam paper from last year because I got a C, and I had to stay behind every Wednesday to do exam prep. As I walked home I couldn’t breath. I felt so disappointed in myself. I’d revised sooo much for that exam and I felt like it was all pointless. I later got an email stating that the redo isn’t a punishment, and that the college just wants me to do well. I feel better about it now.
Now onto something nicer, I recently did a show with my youth theatre called Thoroughly Modern Millie. Unfortunately I didn’t get a part but I still really enjoyed it. It wasn’t the best show by all means but it went well. There was some drama backstage, once again, sorry about the pun… I’ve never really experienced drama before, so I kinda loved it. It drew me closer to the rest of the cast, which is strange. It was between the two main male roles. I don’t really know why. But it was fun to watch…. I’m not psychopath I promise.
During that time, I also did something I’ve been wanting to do for ages, style my hair. It seems like something small but the thought of changing my appearance freaked me out. My hair was always been straight forward, combed to stick to my head. I was worried that if I changed it, people would comment on it. One day I stuck the front up and to the side a little. I don’t know they proper term for it. It was barely noticeable but I was still nervous.
No one commented.
So I thought, ‘maybe I should style it some more’
No one commented.
So today, I shaved the sides of my head slightly and I think I look great. When I look in the mirror I can’t help but smile. I feel a little confidence coming out. Also, my brother said that I have a good jawline, which is good. Josh Hutcherson has a good jawline.
So that’s all. Apart from that fact that I lost my job because I was just a student. But I didn’t like it anyway.
Have a nice life! 🙂